


London was Never an Archive

by Skathii



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-24
Updated: 2013-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-05 21:38:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1098873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skathii/pseuds/Skathii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James Tiberius Kirk had never turned down a bet, but for once, he wished he did.<br/>OR In which the good doctor McCoy bets that Jim can't always have anyone he wants, leaving Jim with an unexpected (but not undesirable!) outcome.</p>
            </blockquote>





	London was Never an Archive

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfiction is the result of a ridiculous inside joke where somehow the phrase "London was never an archive" from STID was turned into a pick up line (misunderstandings always become the best jokes!).  
> Anyway, this is the first fanfiction I've written in ten years so hopefully it's not too terrible. Thanks!  
> Disclaimer: I, in no way, own any of the characters or profit from this work.

“Bones, come on, look at this face. I could get anyone I want at any time!” Kirk smirked as he taunted the disgruntled doctor in front of him. 

“I wouldn’t be so confident, kid.” Bones stretched out on their couch, a beer in his hand after a long day at the academy. Jim currently stood in their tiny dorm kitchen, mixing a drink for himself and looking over their sparsely decorated apartment. The Academy dictated that each cadet had to live in a dorm and with a roommate for at least two years, and so he found himself living with his best friend and partner in crime. Sure, their dorm apartment may not have been the most posh, but it was comfortable, which was more than Jim had ever hoped for back in Iowa. He popped an olive in his glass and then collapsed on a nearby chair, propping his feet on the coffee table. Each of them had somehow survived a grueling semester, and Jim thanked his lucky stars that it had been the last day in their finals week, even though it had left Bones grumpier than ever. Jim couldn’t resist retorting back at the doctor’s sarcastic comments, which of course had led them to this silly line of conversation. 

“No one could say no to these eyes,” Jim laughed and then took a sip from his glass. 

“As long as you didn’t open your mouth, maybe.”

“Oh ye of little faith. I’ll have you know that my mouth is one of my best assets!” Jim stuck his tongue out, obviously proving his point

“How about a little wager then?” The doctor’s eyes glinted with something dark and slightly threatening. Nothing new there.

“You know I’m a gambling man,” he replied.

“If you’re really that smooth, you should be able to pick up any poor sap, no matter what you say right? Well then, put your money where your mouth is, except I get to choose your pick up line,” Bones took a final swig of his beer before placing it on the coffee table and turning his full attention on to Kirk. “If you lose, you have to do my laundry for three months.”

“Sounds easy enough. And if I win? What can you possibly offer to make it worth my while?” Jim leaned forward, interested in what the doctor might have to say. 

“I’ll introduce you to my friend Rand. You know the one, the blonde with the legs for miles. She’s a whiz at programming and could probably help you with your stupid scheme for the Kobayashi Maru, that is, if you could talk her into it.”

“A hottie and a brainiac? You’re talking my language now Bones! I’m going to sweep the floor with you. Better get your body ready! Gotta get my game face on!” Kirk swallowed the last of his drink before jumping to his feet and heading towards his room to get changed. 

“Wait I think you’re forgetting something kid! I get to choose your pick up line!” Kirk stopped dead in his tracks, a foreboding feeling settling in his stomach.

“Oh what should I choose? ‘Hi, my name’s Jim Kirk and I have gonorrhea!’ Seems a little juvenile, even for you. Hmmm…” Bones licked his lips slowly, fumbling for the perfect pick up line for his dear old friend. Suddenly, a rare smile lit up his features, and he turned to look at Jim. “London was never an archive. Try picking someone up with that, kid.”

\---------------------

Jim ran a hand over his black shirt, fidgeting in front of his favorite bar. It was right next to campus, and he had many a fond memory of drinking his cares away right in this very establishment. Tonight, however, he felt nervous. Sure, he put on a cool and collected face, but when it came right down to it, he was not as confident as he led others to believe. Besides, if he failed, he would lose man points with Bones and even worse, be stuck washing his gross socks for three whole months. Jim wasn’t particularly sure how one man could own so many musty socks. What did “London was never an archive” even mean anyway? Bones was a cruel, vindictive man. Jim just prayed that no one would try to put him in an insane asylum tonight. With that thought in mind, Jim gingerly opened the large wood door in front of him.

He quickly glanced around the bar. Luckily, there was quite a crowd tonight, seemingly drawn in by the intergalactic rugby competition. He cracked his knuckles nervously before spotting two very attractive Orion ladies, obviously dressed to impress. Jim sat down next to them at the bar and ordered from the burly man behind the counter.

“Uh, give me some of your best…” he glanced at the ladies who seemed to perk up at his arrival and tried to guess their drink of choice, “Orion Spice Wine, please.” 

“Seems that we’ve got quite the connoisseur on our hands,” one of the women chuckled slightly as she raised an eyebrow. “What’s your name?”

This was going better than he ever planned. “Kirk, Jim Kirk, at your service.” He shot her one of his winning smiles, hoping it would sway her before he laid that bomb of a pick up line her way. The bartender set the glass of wine in front of him. It smelled like death warmed over.

“Jim, huh?” The other one asked. “What’re you doing alone here on a night like this?”

“Well, just thought I’d celebrate passing all my classes. I’m in the academy, on my way to being a commander of my own ship.”

The ladies appraised him more thoroughly than before, more interested now. “A commander huh? I’ve always wanted to try my hand with someone so… dominate. Don’t you agree, D’Pa?”

The woman besides her purred in agreement. “Very much so.” Kirk felt his ears go uncharacteristically red at their blatant remarks. Now was the time.

“You know… London was...never...an archive.” His wine suddenly became extremely interesting, and he couldn’t help but focusing his eyes on it.

“...what.” 

“London was never an archive,” he repeated quietly.

The silence between them lasted an uncomfortably long time. At last, the one closest to Kirk spoke. “D’Pa, I think we’ve run into another loon.”

The two quickly got up and left, leaving their drinks behind. Jim reach over, grabbed both of them, and gurgled each one down. This was going to be a long night.

\----------

After a couple of hours of blatant rejection, Jim finally gave up. A shudder rippled throughout his body thinking of the impending laundry slave labor to come. Bones would never let him live this down, ever, not as long as he lived. He could see it now. ‘What? The GREAT Jim Kirk, unable to pick up even one person? How the mighty have fallen!’ Kirk had a moment of silence, saying goodbye to his reputation and his sanity. 

His dorm was within view, only a block or two away from the bar with only a quaint park between them. His stride slowed as his dreadful encounter with Bones loomed ever close. Why had he ever agreed to that bet?

As he melodramatically looked up from the ground, he suddenly noticed a person sitting on a park bench nearby. As it was already dark, they were the only two in the park. Why would someone be--reading?--outside at this hour? How odd. His breath caught in his throat as he walked closer and realized this stranger was not some random weirdo but pretty much the most attractive specimen of a man that Kirk had ever laid eyes on. His ears spoke of his Vulcan ancestry, ending in elegant points that Jim was immediately drawn to. His skin was so perfect that it could have been chiseled out of marble, clean shaven with a slight tinge of green from the chill. His silky ink black hair had been cut in a harsh line, but somehow that accented the fine features beneath it. Long eyelashes framed molasses eyes, deep in concentration. Kirk was not one normally given to poetry or fluffy descriptions, but damn that man was fine. So deeply engrossed in his reading was he that the man failed to notice Kirk looming over him.

“Stephen Hawking? That’s a little old school isn’t it?” The man’s face shot up at him, looking adorably disheveled and alarmed for all of five seconds before being coaxed into a neutral expression.

“Stephen Hawking is not an old school. He is, in fact, a homo sapien from the 20th century who--” Kirk’s laugh interrupted the man’s sentence. While the other man’s face remained blank, his eyes gave away a silent questioning, and Jim found himself enthralled with the deep brown pools before him.

“Uh, sorry to laugh. I didn’t mean literally that he was an old school. I know who he is. I just meant that his theories were ancient, but yeah, I think, from what I’ve read, they’re pretty interesting and relevant.”

“You have read Stephen Hawking’s works previously?” he asked.

Jim smiled enthusiastically. “Of course I have! He only revolutionized the way men view space! Why, without him, we might not even have Starfleet as it is today! Anyone worth his salt has read his work! My name is Jim, by the way! Jim Kirk!” His hand reached out automatically during the introduction. The Vulcan minutely flinched as it came his way and pointedly ignored it.

“I am unsure what relevance salt possesses in the value of a man’s character… but, I am Spock, son of Sarek.”

“Spock…” the name rolled pleasantly on Kirk’s tongue. “I like it. Hey, what are your feelings on his M-Theory?”

“His theory does not involve ‘feelings’, but if you are inquiring about my thoughts, I believe that--”

“Actually,” a shiver ran through Jim’s body,” it’s getting a little cold out here, and I know that Vulcans need a higher temperature to feel comfortable.” He could chuckle at the eyebrow Spock raised at him. "I don't usually do this, but would you like to get something to eat? We could talk about this some more. I’d love to hear your thoughts on some things! You seem like you’d be pretty knowledgeable!" His enthusiasm heightened at the thought of an intellectual debate with a Vulcan of all people, and a hot one at that. 

Even though his face remained stagnant, Jim could have sworn that the Vulcan’s eyes glinted with amusement. “I do know of a restaurant nearby that would be conducive to a discussion. Perhaps we could relocate there?”

“Sounds great to me!” He replied cheerfully until he remembered his main goal for the night: the bet. Would he risk a potentially awesome almost date for this stupid bet? But then he imagined Bones’s stupid smug ass face and knew he would have to give it a shot. “London...London was never an archive,” the words came out as nearly a whisper, but Spock’s sensitive ears easily picked them out.

“London? No, London is not an archive. It is a city located on Earth in the United Kingdom. There are archives located within it, however. To which does your statement refer to exactly?” Spock looked so confused it almost hurt Jim to keep the laugh inside. 

“You know, I don’t really know. Maybe we can talk about that too. Lead the way!” 

“Fascinating.” At that, Spock stood and began briskly walking back the way Kirk had just come, Jim eagerly keeping up with his stride.

\------------------------------

Two hours later, the two were just as engrossed in their theoretical debate as before. Jim knew that Vulcans prided themselves on their intellect and was excited to finally meet someone who could finally provide him with a challenge. Jim couldn’t imagine that many Vulcans had subtle facial expressions like Spock did or such expressive eyes or a dry sense of humor, but he was pleasantly surprised at the many facets of the attractive man who sat stiffly before him. He secretly hoped that Spock in return was pleased with Jim’s ability to keep up and contribute to the conversation. As Spock dove into some key flaws with some of the founding principles of quantum physics, Jim noticed their bubbly waitress beginning to stack the chairs on the tables.

“Hey Spock, I hate to interrupt you because you seem to be on the verge of a startling revelation that will potentially shape the future of quantum physics, but I think they’re closing up for the night.” A glance at the clock on the wall revealed that it was almost midnight. “Shit, yeah, we should get out of here. I feel bad making them wait for us.” A frown formed on his face. “But I’ve really been enjoying this conversation. I wish it didn’t have to end so soon...”

"Indeed. I would be most agreeable to continuing this conversation in a more...private atmosphere,” Spock’s reply almost had Jim choking on his last sip of water. The tips of Spock’s ears tinted a noticeable green.

“Uh ok! Yeah, that would be great actually! My place is really close by, if that’s okay with you.” A nod revealed that it was. Jim put on his coat and waited for Spock to put on his before gently taking him by elbow, hoping the Vulcan wouldn’t mind. Apparently, he didn’t. The cool night air overwhelmed Jim’s lungs, and he looked towards the stars, as he always did at night.

“Mr. Kirk, I am uncertain why we have not met previously at intellectual events and gatherings. Your conversation has proved most... stimulating,” Spock’s smooth voice filled the stagnant night air.

Kirk snorted at that. “Please, it’s Jim. I prefer my friends to call me Jim, and I’m not one to really attend those events. I’m a pretty busy guy. But, yeah, I’m really happy to have met someone with the same interests as me. And this going to sound weird, but I feel like I know you.” His chuckle echoed off the nearby buildings as he lowered his grip on Spock’s arm, brushing across his hand. “Maybe in another life or something.”

Spock did not immediately speak, but his reply surprised Jim. “Perhaps we have.” At this, the blond turned to look at the other man directly in his eyes. The depth he saw there told Jim he wasn’t joking or mocking him, and it sent warmth down his body, even to his toes.

“Uh well, this is my place,” Kirk tapped out the number code on the lock, opening the door and motioning for the other man to go inside. Jim smiled widely at him. “It’s not much but--” his words died as suddenly something pressed against his lips. His bright eyes widened as his brain scrambled to compute what just happened. Spock. Spock pressed his lips against his lips. Spock was still pressing his lips against his lips. Spock. And finally it computed, and Jim closed his eyes, bringing a hand up to brush through the other’s ebony hair. They tumbled through the door as one, somehow managing to close it behind them. Spock pressed him against the wall while Jim eagerly sought to explore every aspect, every facet of Spock’s mouth. His hand lingered in the silky hair for a moment longer before drifting down his back, feeling each indention of his spine. 

“My retinas are literally going to be scarred forever.” The voice caused Jim to jump off Spock like a horny teenager caught red handed. Kirk looked at Bones guiltily, wishing that for once the older man had decided to go to bed early. A stern frown was his reply. Bones blatantly eyed up Spock, appraising him for all he was worth. “Ok, ok, you two kids have fun or whatever. Just don’t come crying to me when you get some alien disease.” Jacket now in hand, Bones almost tripped over his own two feet in a mad dash for the door, turning to Kirk for one last jab before leaving. “Hey kid, have fun fooling around with a professor.” An evil smirk distorted his features. 

Kirk’s eyes widened in panic as he turned to Spock and then quickly looked back at a now hysterical Bones. A professor at Starfleet Academy? Spock? No way! He couldn’t really--?  
Even Jim had limits to who he would fool around with. But then Kirk pulled himself. Graduation was only a couple semesters away, and besides, he couldn’t help but feel that maybe this thing he and Spock had would turn into something much more than a one night stand. Perhaps one day, they would explore the stars together. With a new found confidence, Jim innocently smiled at his disgusted and disgruntled friend as he pulled Spock down for another kiss.

“Well, London was never an archive.”


End file.
